It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Virtual World/Transcript
Watch ← Previous Episode Next Episode → Cast (In order of appearance): Yami Yugi, Noah Kaiba, Seto Kaiba, Gozaburo Kaiba, Mokuba Kaiba, Tea Gardner, Yugi Muto, Joey Wheeler, Melvin, Solomon Muto, Mai Valentine, Tristan Taylor Running time: 14:41 Episode title: It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Virtual World Transcript YAMI: Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged: It's like Code MENT, only worse! Standard flying cards opening Cut to locale from end of Episode 55 NOAH: Father! KAIBA: Gozaburo! YAMI: A big giant head! GOZABURO: You're all correct. KAIBA: How are you even here? GOZABURO: I hooked my brain into a supercomputer so that I could live forever! KAIBA: You plugged yourself into the virtual world using KaibaCorp's online network? GOZABURO: Yes, I will admit the connection can be a bit laggy, but it's usually-- freezes, loading icon appears KAIBA: Father? Are you still there? GOZABURO: Right. Now prepare to-- freezes again KAIBA: This is a bit awkward GOZABURO: Might be a bit laggy? Hello? Can you hear me? Agh. Goddamn Koreans always stealing my WiFi. NOAH: Father! I knew one day we'd be reunited! GOZABURO: Noah! You ungrateful little runt! Seven years and not a single father's day card! Or even a thank you note for keeping your soul inside a computer! NOAH: I thought you were dead! GOZABURO: And I thought you knew better than to play in the f*cking road. Who's the idiot now? KAIBA: Gozaburo! I don't care how powerful you are! I'm going to find you and prove that I am and always will be the only person worthy of the Kaiba name! MOKUBA: Um, big brother, I... KAIBA: I'm not finished. Then we're going to break out of this godforsaken virtual world storyline and get back to the plot that people actually care about! Any questions, you digital old fart? GOZABURO: Sorry, I was lagging through that whole speech. Could you go back? KAIBA: I knew we should've upgraded from dial-up Title sequence: Yu-Gi-Oh the cancelled series Cut to Noah leading Yugi, Kaiba, Tea, Mokuba, Duke, Joey and Serenity through a cave]] NOAH: My father has betrayed me for the last time, so I'm going to help you all escape TÉA: Can we really trust this guy? JOEY: Who cares, so long as he gets us back to the real world, then we won't have anything left to worry about. ''Cut to the airship/docking area MELVIN: Well howdy-ho. Robots! You know what that means: I can be as hardcore as I want and it'll still be PG13. He-he-heh, delicious ultraviolence! Melvin kills the robots with his Millenium Rod while singing Cut back to Noah, in front of a large door NOAH: All you need to do now is go through this door and then you'll wake up in the real world! Door opens, revealing a bright white light on the other side TÉA: I don't know about this, you guys Cut to the school YUGI: Hey Joey! Earth to Joey! Hey, are you in there? It's your move! JOEY in extremely slow voice: Sorry, Yug. Doing this Brooklyn accent makes it difficult to concentrate on--wait a minute. Haven't we done all this before? TÉA: It does seem very familiar. YUGI: You're right, Joey. Look around. The acting and audio is terrible. And our mouths aren't even moving in time with our voices. We're back in the first episode JOEY: Noah must have trapped us in our memories YUGI: It looks like we're just going to have to keep repeating the same old jokes that everyone got sick of years ago until he sets us free JOEY: Isn't that what we've been doing for the past 4 years? rimshot Cut to Mokuba and Noah somewhere outdoors MOKUBA: Where did everybody go? NOAH: Oh, they're um.. they're hiding MOKUBA: Hiding? NOAH: Yes, it's a surprise party. For you. MOKUBA: For me? NOAH: Because it's your birthday. Don't you remember? MOKUBA: Seto told me I don't have a birthday. He said I just kinda happened, and he prefers not to call attention to it. NOAH: Look, do you want your presents or not? They walk into the Big Wed arcade MOKUBA: Oh boy, an arcade! I hope they have my favorite video game! Aww yeah, time for some Pharaoh Fighter! MOKUBA: This is the best birthday party ever! I can't wait 'till the others get here! NOAH: Oh, right, yes. The others, but remember, you have to act surprised. MOKUBA: Oh don't worry. My brother taught me everything he knows about faking positive emotions. NOAH: Surprise! takes Mokuba's body MOKUBA: Oh boy, I sure am surprised!! NOAH: *''in Mokuba's body singing''* Happy birthday dear Mokuba, happy birthday to me! evil laughter NOAH: Strange. Why do I suddenly feel like kidnapping myself? cut to Yugi and his friends at the game shop YUGI: Hey gramps, can we see your awesome, chocolaty, fudge-coated, mega, super vagina? JOEY: Yug, why are you asking to see your grandpa's vagina? YUGI: Oh, my bad. I-I thought this was the vagina version of this episode. Gramps holds up a censored card GRAMPS: Here it is, my vagina'' Yugi and the others stare awkwardly at the card JOEY: Oh God. YUGI: Let's get out of here Cut to Noah (in Mokuba's body) walking down a corridor NOAH *''in Mokuba's body*'': Now to find the KaibaCorp satellite array and command it to fire at this facility, destroying everyone and everything inside it. All I need to do is type in the door code Types the password OPEN into the door, which opens NOAH: Such a simple password. Seriously, you'd have to be a moron not to figure that out. I should be able to coordinate the missile launch from this console. Meanwhile, Yugi and his friends must be going crazy trying to find their way out of their own memories. Cuts to Joey and Mai on a beach, music in the background MAI: Hey Joey, I think we should settle down together, stop playing duel monsters, get married and have amazing sex for the rest of our lives. What do you say? music abruptly stops; needle scratching is heard JOEY: Stop playing Duel Monsters? What? You're talking crazy talk! Get away from me Mai, you she-witch! Cut to Melvin in the satellite control room MELVIN: And now it's time for the Melvin show! sings Well it's the Melvin show, starring me, I'm Melvin! It's the Melvin show, and I murdered all my guests! Da da da da da! stops singing Episode 4 is showing on one of the computer screens]] MELVIN: Huh? What's this? Oh look, it's Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged. This episode has my favorite joke in it. Wait for it..... Episode 4 ending shows, with the line "new episodes every week" MELVIN: Ahahahaha! Cut to Yugi, Joey, Tea, Serenity, Duke and Robot Monkey(Tristan) on the outskirts of a city JOEY (kicks a soda can): Take that, you lousy soda! Zero calories my ass! YUGI: Joey, please focus. TÉA: What should we do, Yugi? YUGI: I'll see what the Pharaoh has to say. He always has good advice. Cut to inside of the millennium puzzle YUGI: Pharaoh, we're in deep trouble. What should we do? YAMI: Have you tried playing a card game with someone? YUGI: Well, that doesn't really apply to this situation. YAMI: Strange, that usually works. YUGI: Well, do you think you could try maybe thinking outside the pyramid on this one? YAMI: Very well. Have you tried collecting ten star chips? YUGI: That isn't gonna fix anything either! Yami is now sitting, legs crossed YAMI: Do you think I look weird when I sit like this, Yugi? YUGI: What? YAMI: Like this. Do you think I look weird like this? I mean, I like sitting with my legs crossed, but I can't help thinking that I look a little too feminine. Is it weird to cross your legs when you're a guy? YUGI: That's not really the issue here-- YAMI: Can I help it if I have such long, womany legs? It's the cross I have to bear, Yugi. You wouldn't know, being so....short and all. YUGI: Okay, I think I'm just gonna leave the puzzle, O-OK? YAMI: Oooohhhh! These long, beautiful legs of mine! Ahhhh! Cut back to previous location YUGI: OK, I'm back. TÉA: What did the Pharaoh say? YUGI: Oh, he said to believe in the heart of the cards. You know, the usual. JOEY: Look out, Yug! We're being attacked by digital monsters! Cut to Gozaburo's office KAIBA: Gozaburo! GOZABURO: Seto! Where do you get off kicking down my door like that? KAIBA: Actually, I didn't kick it. I just looked at it and it opened for me. I'm Seto Kaiba, I can do that sort of thing. GOZABURO: You and I have some unfinished business, Seto. I brought you into this world, and now I'm going to take you out of it? KAIBA: You do remember adopting me right? Noah is your biological child. GOZABURO: Already playing mind games, eh, Seto? You always were a chip off the old block. KAIBA: You're a buffoon. GOZABURO: I can make up words too, you know! Cut to Mokuba ''possessed by Noah on the roof of the facility NOAH (in Mokuba's body) : All I have to do now is fly away from here, and leave all this behind me. No more Virtual World, no more Seto, no more Father, the world is mine for the taking! I have absolutely no regrets about this! None! CAPTION: 3 seconds later... NOAH (in Mokuba's body) : What have I done? I've made a terrible mistake! I only hope I still have time to fix.... Noah runs the into control room. All the consoles have been destroyed. MELVIN (on the main screen): Kill your family! Kill your family! Kill your family! Kill your family! Kill your family! Melvin's voice continues in the background NOAH (in Mokuba's body): No! But I don't want to kill my family anymore! This can't be happening! Cut to Yugi, Tea, Serenity, Duke, Joey and Robot Monkey/Tristan NOAH (on the PA system): Attention everyone! This facility is about to be destroyed! You have to leave immediately! JOEY: It's Noah! That little creep! NOAH (On the PA system): I'm trying to save your lives! TEA: That bastard! Are there no depths he won't sink to? NOAH (On the PA system): I'M (bleep)ING HELPING YOU! YUGI: You guys get out of here, I'm gonna go rescue Kaiba! JOEY: Why? YUGI: Because at the end of the day, no matter what he says, Kaiba's our friend and we should--